Modern fairy tales
by Milo Sebastian
Summary: Modernised fairy tales.


Also: for the first part most things in speech marks are Facebook posts, up until Alex meets the servant.

* * *

Prince Alex curled up under the blanket, a Kindle in front of him and a glass of hot coffee near him. He preferred reading books, but on cold winter days this was much better and meant he stayed warmer. No matter how much heating they installed in the castle they never could seem to warm it up enough for it to be a nice temperature.

A notification popped up on his phone that lay next to him. It was Facebook, and he felt that regret of downloading it.

He picked up the phone, cold seeping into his bones and resolved to not move any more than he had to.

His elder brother had posted something, and he clicked on it. "Going to save Princess Jasmine from the dragons!"

He groaned in his head. This more than likely meant killing the dragons, and dragons were growing extinct because of idiots like him. His father, the king, still hasn't decreed a law that made it illegal to hunt dragons, and he was currently campaigning with a few of his friends for that law to be passed, so dragons weren't hunted because of tough hides, their claws and their blood which was supposed to have healing properties. Or be a deadly poison. Depended on who you asked.

But there were other healing potions that were just as good, and other poisons that were just as effective, so dragons were mostly killed for nothing.

Another notification awoke him from his thoughts. "Bet I can do it before you."

He rolled his eyes.

"Guys this is stupid. Why do you even care about some foreign princess?"

A reply came quickly. "Have you not seen a picture of her? She is the hottest babe around here. And whoever saves her gets to marry her."

"She probably just some dumb blonde." Alex typed after seeing the photo Edward, the middle son, had typed.

"Hah. Bet she's not."

"Idc." Alex replied, while getting back to his book.

"You should care." Came another notification. "Because you're going."

"You can't force me." He replied.

"I'm going to burn all the chargers in the kingdom. And then I'll order a bill that gives a reward to anyone who kills a dragon, or any other endangered species."

"You wouldn't." Alex typed, growing in annoyance. Why couldn't they leave him alone?

"I can and I would. So what do you say?"

"*type"

"Ok, I'll persuade your father to pass those laws."

"Come on, I don't want to have no chargers." Max, his elder brother posted.

"Fine." He replied.

"Yay."

There was no reply from his stepmother, but Alex could feel her emotion seep through the unwritten words.

Great. He thought, realising that he would actually have to go out in the cold weather, and wondering how long he could postpone it.

A few hours later Alex realised he could postpone this no longer, having been reminded by all the notifications his brothers and mother had flung about.

He pulled on a hoodie over the top he was wearing, and then put a coat over it as well, and went to the garage, making sure to avoid all the ice patches, and then walked to his moterbike. He only had a moterbike license, but was still tempted to steal one of the cars in the garage, but refrained from committing the action.

He drove down the road, concentrating on driving and not watching the miles he was eating up, and before he realised it he had reached the neighbouring kingdom. He looked at his watch, and realised he had been driving for a few solid hours, even after he had been going above the recommended speed for driving on ice.

He reached the palace, and found it deserted, apart from one servant. "Where is everyone? And what's happening with the princess malarkey?"

"The royal family were on holiday, and the princess was staying here, your highness," he said nervously. "And then some dragons flew in, kidnapped the princess and took off without any word of warning."

"And how many servants or people did they harm?"

"None, your highness."

"Exactly."

"What, your highness?"

"Dragons aren't the murdering vicious brutes every one makes them out to be, but that doesn't matter. Thank you for your information, I should be getting going now."

The servant looked at Alex in surprise, probably never having seen manners in his life.

...

Alex sped down the roads, all the possible plans speeding through his mind. There were only a few places were the dragons could have taken the princess, and he would check out them out systematically to ensure he would have to spend as little time as possible in this frozen land. He could have sworn it got colder with every passing winter, and it lasted for longer as well, but that was probably his overactive imagination, so he didn't swear that, and also the fact that it was a rule that he wasn't allowed to swear in the palace. Bloody controlling parents.

The first caves Alex checked were surrounded by abundant life, so he didn't bother checking to see if they were empty. No rabbit or deer with any grain of self preservation instinct would ever live within an incredibly short distance of any dragon, no matter how stupid it was.

The second set of caves, set on a bleak island looked so much more promising to Alex and he stopped, deciding he would check these ones out, before he continued any further on his journey.

"Hey, is there anyone here?" There was no reply, except an echo and Alex looked at the caves, before checking the time on his watch. If he turned around now he'd be able to make it to the nearest tavern with half an hour to spare before dinner and have a warm meal.

"Help!" He heard a faint voice. "Help! Help!"

Well of course he wasn't going to make it to the tavern. Fate was never on his side for anything. Bloody fate.

He walked in to the caves, and saw a princess chained to the wall.

"Please free me. Please!" She begged. Alex finally understood why his brothers wanted to take the quest on. She was beautiful. Too beautiful for words.

Although Alex was sure he could sum up her intelligence in a few words. Such as "nonexistent".

He picked the lock using a skeleton key he had gotten shipped from , with free one day shipping. It was also much more reliable than .fairyland, who had a habit of mixing up orders, and a shipping time of three to five working days.

"Thank you!" The princess cried as she took the handcuffs off of her hand. "My name's Jasmine, what's yours?"

"I'm Alex." He replied.

"Prince Alex or just a regular Alex?"

"Prince Alex." He confirmed.

"So you're a younger brother then?"

He nodded. "What were he dragons doing with you?"

"They were talking about taking me as a hostage, or selling me to for fresh food, but I managed to talk them out of it and convince them it was too much hastle, and then they dumped me here. To be honest, I didn't expect them to tie me up, but there's dragons for you. They deserve to be exterminated, those vile creatures."

Alex stopped himself from going on a tangent about how misunderstood dragons really were, noting that she would ignore all of it. She was a princess, after all. And a spoilt one at that.

"So, do you want to go back then?" He asked.

"Yes! This weather is really cold."

They drove to the tavern, and got their about five minutes before closing time, and booked two rooms, to which the princess had her brows furrowed at first, but then shook it off.

...

The next morning they rode to Alex's kingdom, the princess holding onto Alex on the moterbike tighter than he was comfortable with.

He took her to his parents, as evidence that he had actually gone on the bloody quest.

When his father saw here he stood up from the throne and embraced her.

"So when do your parents get back?" The king asked.

"In a fortnight, your highness." She replied.

"No need to address me as your highness, Jasmine."

"Alright, your-" she said, before stopping herself immediately.

"So, where should the wedding be hosted?"

"What wedding?" Alex asked, confused and feeling as though everyone knew a vital piece of information he didn't.

"Yours and Jasmine's." The queen stated like it was a given fact that everyone involved should know from the start.

"What?" He asked.

"It's a tradition. Whenever a prince rescues a princess, he receives half the kingdom, and the princess' hand in marriage."

"No, that was not part of the deal." Alex stated. "I am not marrying her."

"Are you insulting me?" She gasped.

"No, it's just I've only known you for, what, a few hours, and I know next to nothing about you, and doesn't this seem the slightest bit ridiculous to you?"

"No, it's tradition." She replied.

"Tradition can go to hell for all I care. I am not marrying you." He insisted.

"Give one good reason why you won't marry me." The princess snapped, letting her temper get the better of her.

"Haven't you heard what I've been saying?"

"Apart from them."

"Well then, I'm gay."

There was silence in the throne room. "So that's why you haven't dates any girls yet."

"Yes _father,_ " Alex drawled. "That's why I haven't dated any girls."

"That makes so much sense. Actually, come to think of it, why haven't we realised this before?"

Alex shrugged. "I don't care. As for what I plan to do now, I was reading a good book, and I'd like to know the ending, so I am going to disappear and finish the book, while you lot sort out political matters and whatnot."

Alex walked out the throne room, and into his bedroom. How the hell were the rooms always this cold? Surely there was some law of physics that meant they had to heat up at some point? Alex spied Lucky, and ignored his thoughts, walking over to the black cat and picked it up. He was still warm.

He heard a protesting yowl, and saw his other black cat, Loki, staring at him, before scratching him under the chin and deciding two furry hot water bottles were better than one.

* * *

So, what do you think? Should I continue or should I just scrap this idea?

If anyone has any suggestions, please leave them in a review. My ideas all suck, and there are so many great ideas that will remain unwritten if it is up to me to find and write them all.

-A.H.


End file.
